muteness.

It's so hard for me to break down the reason that I feel the way I feel, when I feel it. 

It's too hard for me to open up and be vunerable when I feel as like I always need to be strong. 

It's unbelievely hard to let him leave for another three weeks when I haven't seen him but three weeks in 8 months. 

I feel like I'm enveloped in constant happiness. At work, at home, at church. Everyone is so joyful and charismatic. Not me. I used to be, but I'm just worn out. I got a raise today. Didn't even get excited because I knew I'd have no one to come home and share the experience with. Just walked into walmart and bought myself a five buck movie to celebrate by myself... Everyone keeps asking questions, keeps telling me what I should do to make sure the relationship is this and that. Telling me how strong I am to be able to do what I've been doing. Things that only make me think about him being gone... it makes it so much more challenging.

I never felt like it took strength to do what Trey and I have been doing the last 8 months, until now. 

I'm so tolled. 

I work, come home, work, come home. An occational girls night thrown in the mix. 

thats my life. I'm past hanging out every night. It's not fun anymore, hasn't been for a long while. I have nothing to do or say, simply emptiness. I just want to spend every second I can wih him, but he's hundreds of miles away. 

I miss him. I want him here, I need him to stay.

Why do I feel like that's such a crime.