breathe in, breathe out.

Its funny the difference a day makes. 

It's funny how light can fill your heart and allow your smile to reclaim it's rightful place once more. Lately I've just felt empty and alone, I attribute that to me being alone more often than not, yet sometimes is surprising how soon you forget that you are never alone, and that you always have someone willing to listen to your hearts desires. I've felt an overcoming need to listen and watch things that would uplift me lately, so that I can renew my strength, and fill the loneliness in my being. So I set out and bought some music and movies that I knew would make me feel better about life. The result was more than I expected, I had the benefit of having Madi and Aubree with me to listen and watch the movies. We were all so touched that it was an amazing and unforgettable experience. I'm so thankful that that was something that could be shared between the three of us. I've felt so much more confident and productive since that day. Even when I'm not necessarily doing anything I feel like I do have divine purpose, though sometimes I doubt the significance of the talents that I may have to provide the world.

 It's been a very spiritual and uplifting week for me in some aspects, while others have been tearing me apart. I've really had a hard time deciphering my feelings lately. I have this gut feeling, an uncomfortable gut feeling that somethings wrong. I'm acutely aware of how unhappy I am with certain things in my life. I lay awake in bed, going through thoughts and scenarios searching for an answer, and solution that would help the situation... Nothing ever comes I just feel hopeless so much of the time. 

I feel like I live my life as though I'm already married, that the decisions I make are rarely made with only myself in mind. I try to approach situations in a certain mindset, but The last couple weeks its been hard to picture my future, living the same way I do now, I just have a hard time seeing myself as a wife, even though it's something I'm constantly preparing for. What if my preparation is just as desolate as I feel?
 So much of the time, I'm away from everyone I love. My family is in Ohio, and Trey is constantly leaving...
I'm having a hard time staying optimistic, I'm still being as supportive as I can of the dreams that he is trying to reach...but what if one day comes that I can't be...  If I don't give 100 percent of myself, I feel like I'm not giving enough, I'm scared that one day I won't be able to be the support system that he needs...I never want to happen. 


I'm  independent, but it would be nice if I had Trey here for me, HERE to help me through the hard times and struggles more often. I'm just overwhelmed sometimes I know I can make it through. I always do. Everything will be fine... 
I just need to be the little train that could. 


If it wasn't for my scriptures and Church every Sunday, I'd be so lost. Hearing Trey's voice keeps me going...